this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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