Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
