just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
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