i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My bed smells like the plague
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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