Can Purell be used as lube?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
