so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
