The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
