My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
That accounts for only three of the penises
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
