Well apparently he's into motor boating.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize