You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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