i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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