tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
