Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
