I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
