Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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