Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
