birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
