The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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