Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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