You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
