I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
