My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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