You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize