is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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