I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I need water and some morals
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
