So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
