So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
