I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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