when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
