So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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