my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
