its not stalking. its research.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
