i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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