i just made my gag reflex go away.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
