she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
