We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
