i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
