Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
