i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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