I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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