Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
