literally had 100 drinks last night.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
