I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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