my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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