If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Randomize
