I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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