Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
im drinking this country out of the recession.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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