can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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