Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
