I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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