dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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