I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
