my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
