Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
