if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
