she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
