quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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