He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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