My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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