It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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