I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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