You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Houston, we have a squirter
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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