Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
