I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
