I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
