I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
