i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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