ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
