I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
