Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Randomize