you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
