Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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