i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
